‘Cars’ Category

  1. The Evans Motorcade II

    December 6, 2011 by admin

    I talked about the heap of crap that was my Marina, yet it was a strangely enduring car. Perhaps because it looked so awful with it’s brush painted body work, a dark blue, barely hiding the original 70s or 80s mustard yellow. I think it probably had striped cloth seats in browns and yellows, and the radio was so bad I used to wear my walkman most of the time, which even I now consider to be stupid.

    You knew that if you pulled a bird in your Marina she was interested in you not your wallet! And likewise in the Morris 1000 that the Marina was eventually scrapped for. The engine was reconditioned and then went into the Morris along with a Sierra 5 speed box. That gave you a Moggy that was capable of doing over 90, and was also reasonable on fuel. Whole families would stare, and sometimes cheer when you were caning along the motorway. Good job they didn’t know how unsafe it was. Enthusiastic braking could have quickly ended it all, and probably taken out a few other cars at the same time. It was fun for a bit, but I actually missed the engine and exhaust noise of the car.

    I was then always looking at used BMW 3 series for sale, but in actual fact next up came a van. Vincent. Awful thing! My first diesel. I put a stupidly powerful stereo into it, and terrified my poor dog who used to stand in the back and howl. Probably her attempt at drowning out Nick Cave, who was my artist of choice at the time. Him and the Chemical Brothers. Vincent was a 1986 Ford Escort van. Red. Off a mate of dad’s. It only served me for two years, but it was fun in its way. Hardly a babe magnet either.


  2. The Evans Motorcade. I

    September 25, 2011 by admin

    Cars, cars, cars. I love changing cars and somehow I’m happy in anything extreme, and that doesn’t necessarily mean extremely good.

    I’ve had great old Mercs at one end of the scale, and some absolute crap at the other end. I once bought a Marina for £150 so that I could have its engine reconditioned and put into one of my many Morris 1000s. Trouble was I actually liked the Marine and kept driving it for months. It didn’t do the Evans image too much good, in fact I actually lost a girl because of insisting on picking her up in the Marina. She refused point blank to get into it. Anyway, her loss.

    Can’t think why? It was an awful blue colour, hand brush painted by the previous owner. It was a bloody awful paint job that added to its charm, especially as you could still see the original mustard yellow underneath in places.

    The Marina never let me down, but it did scare the fook out of me once. I was driving to London to see the silly cow who refused to ride in it (before that particular occasion). It was a late night spontaneous thing and I was heading down the M40 trying to hear the radio over the engine. It was winter and I had a bog coat on to compensate for the considerable gaps around the door and the crap heater, I even remember having a hat on. Then it started to gather pace, on it’s own!

    At first I wasn’t bothered, but soon the old crate was topping 85, pretty much as fast as it would go, and I couldn’t slow it down. I got a sweat on, even though there was no real danger as the road was pretty near empty. Eventually I knocked it out of gear – and the revs exploded! I could imagine pistons flying through the bonnet as the whole thing exploded, so I turned it off – at 80 odd miles an hour! Thank god it didn’t have a steering lock or I’d have been dead in no time.

    It was actually dead simple to fix, the accelerator cable had somehow popped out of its housing and so the engine was jammed at full throttle. A little push and all was calm again – until I got to her’s!